Dear Morbo,
I am a 31 year old man, decent looking, decent job. I haven't had a date in months, and I'm starting to feel really lonely. Do you have any advice?
-Sgt Pepper
Dear Sgt Pepper,
Nothing attracts the ladies like standing on a wall and howling. Seriously, you can't keep them away from you if you do this! A catnip cologne may also help.
Also, adopting a kitty may help with your loneliness. I know my human feels better when I'm curled up with her. Who knows? Maybe pictures of your adorable new housemate may help attract a lady as well!
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My feline would like to add that fish always help.
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