ASK MORBO #2

Dear Morbo,

I am a 31 year old man, decent looking, decent job. I haven't had a date in months, and I'm starting to feel really lonely. Do you have any advice?

-Sgt Pepper

Dear Sgt Pepper,

Nothing attracts the ladies like standing on a wall and howling. Seriously, you can't keep them away from you if you do this! A catnip cologne may also help.

Also, adopting a kitty may help with your loneliness. I know my human feels better when I'm curled up with her. Who knows? Maybe pictures of your adorable new housemate may help attract a lady as well!

ASK MORBO #1

Dear Morbo,

My mother's birthday is coming up, and I want to get her something really special. I haven't been the greatest kid lately, so I want to show her how much I care. What should I do?

-Prodigal

Dear Prodigal,

Nothing says "I'm sorry" like severed bird heads. If you really want to show your love, I also recommend a mouse or a vole. Moms really love dead voles.